I admire this clever salute to a lost legend for only as long as it takes me to briskly speed walk under whilst en route to the ticket turnstiles to scan my Merlin Annual Pass, aware that time was preciously few and crowds were not. The humble port of entry has recently been redecorated with the recycled corkscrew from the eponymous defunct attraction, now in cobalt and gold. Apparently plans are underway to construct a train station at Alton Tower’s entrance to greatly simplify the ease of getting guests into the park (until then I wonder why a park-sponsored coach shuttle service is so difficult to implement) although in presenting their case for the local government’s approval they will apparently not rely so heavily on economic and social benefits such a line would have for people today, but instead ( this is true) emphasize that historically a train service did once run to the gardens before it became a theme park, and so they should resurrect that tradition as a “Heritage Railway”. (One wonders if they are now required to pay parking as well?) After a forty-five minute journey through winding country roads at times more dynamic than several of the roller coasters that await, we pull into our destination although apart from a few scant signs the only way I could be sure we had arrived was the louder-than-usual commotion among my fellow wayfarers, so well hidden are the rides and structures below the tree line (due to a regulation so famous it even became a key challenge to a RollerCoaster Tycoon scenario). From Stoke-on-Trent departs a singular city-owned bus no more frequent than each hour for Alton Towers, which would be crowded enough if only loaded with visitors but also seems to be the means of transportation for many of the Tower’s employees.

To reach the front gates without the aid of a personal automobile requires a rail journey to the somewhat proximate village of Stoke-on-Trent where some form of expensive overnight accommodations will be mandatory if one intends to arrive before opening while relying on the train schedules. Yet somehow the theme park has made it to the 21 st century as the industry’s existential hero, having made from their futile circumstances a destination playground that somehow manages world class. British parks are internationally renowned for having some of the densest and most difficult bureaucratic red tape to cut through to construct so much as a urinal on their own property let alone a roller coaster, and being built over pristine, hallowed ground has meant that Alton Towers’ struggle is always the most Sisyphean. It is located deep in the heart of Staffordshire upon the grounds of the former residence of the Earls of Shrewsbury, perhaps one of the beautiful landscapes in all of England… therefore making it one of the worst places in England to build a theme park. Alton, Staffordshire, England, UK – Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010Īlton Towers is the largest and most popular theme park in the United Kingdom, yet from London it is more difficult to reach than Disneyland Paris.

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